Families are the pillars of society and raising children is a blessed privilege, but also a great responsibility. In today’s consumer-oriented, illegal, and sexually permissive world, parenting has become a challenge. Too much exposure to media from an early age, coupled with ineffective parenting, has made children selfish, self-indulgent, and seeking instant gratification. They are given to impulsive behaviors and are easily frustrated.
Since the family is a training ground to prepare children to take their place in society as responsible adults, parents should periodically evaluate their styles of functioning. They must have a progressive outlook while adhering to old world values. The principles of child rearing are changing as the world changes and the roles of parents will also change as the child grows. From disciplinarians they become mentors and friends. It is good to stand in the middle of the biblical adage:
“Teach a child the way to go and when he is older, he will not stray from it.” Proverbs 22: 6.
No one can claim to be a perfect parent. It is through trial and error that one learns the best way to mold a child’s character, depending on his personality. Love, patience, and negotiation skills form the foundation of good parenting. Teaching respect, responsibility, and resourcefulness should be the goal.
Parental love is instinctive and must be unconditional. It is best expressed in the way a child is raised. Patients should not be ashamed to show emotion. A child is never too old to be hugged. Open affection between husband and wife is very reassuring for the child. You will have confidence that you are safe and secure in your love and that they are always available to guide you. Good communication between parents and children favors bonding. Only when there is a healthy relationship between them can discipline be instilled.
Discipline is for the positive good of the child. Guarendi says that “discipline is one of the most loving and lasting gifts a father can give a son.” A child needs limits and discipline teaches him to respect authority. Obedience should be expected at all times. Praise for good behavior is important. But he must also be taught to accept ‘No’ for an answer. Discipline provides a structure for emotional and social growth. Learn to live by the family code of ethics and develop self-confidence and responsibility for your actions. However, discipline must be consistent. Correction must be done in a positive way and not through punitive measures. Be polite but firm when enforcing the rules. The child should know that discipline is like “a garland to adorn his head and a chain to adorn his neck.” (Proverbs 1: 7-9)
Overindulgence and pampering can stunt a child’s personality. It will rob you of your problem solving skills. It will destroy motivation and make you lazy. There are many reasons why parents become too lenient. Both parents may be working and feeling guilty about not spending enough time with their child. They can divorce and make up for it by giving you too many freedoms. They can be anxious parents who want to be overprotective of their children. Then they give in to its whims and demands. Some parents find a way to meet their own needs through their children. Helicopter parents don’t allow their children to grow up and make their own decisions.
Permissive parents, on the other hand, let their child do what he likes. They are not directive or demanding. Whatever the child does is fine with them. Parents are so absorbed in their own lives that they do not have time to play an active role in their children’s lives. Such a child is insecure and lacks direction. You know your parents won’t care about what you do. There are no guidelines or limits. Such a child is confused, makes wrong decisions and will fall into crime.
At the other extreme are authoritarian parents who are control freaks and impose strict rules that must be followed. They are critical of everything the child does. They destroy their self-esteem by making derogatory comments. There is never a word of praise. Threats and punitive measures are inflicted for minor offenses. As a result, the child becomes a nervous wreck, living under a cloud of fear. But as an adult he can develop an antisocial personality that leads him to frequent friction with the Law.
Because “children are the inheritance of the Lord” (Psalm 127: 3), parental authority must be united and consistent. Parents cannot make conflicting demands. They should be good role models, and the home should provide a loving, caring, and stimulating environment. They should speak freely about their faith and their relationship with God. Moral values must be instilled in the child. “The way to raise a moral child is to be a moral person,” says David Elkand.
