I often hear from both wives being affected by a husband’s affair and women they sometimes cheat with. Wives often have trouble believing that the husband sincerely wants to come back and save the marriage. They secretly believe that he is only saying what he needs to say to avoid an expensive divorce or to avoid losing his children.

Meanwhile, I sometimes hear the mistress say things like, “I gave him everything he wanted. I didn’t ask for anything. I did my best to provide what he said his wife wouldn’t do.” . Why, then, has he returned to her? I don’t understand. He told me all kinds of things about her wife and now he’s with her. What did I do wrong?

I’ll do my best to answer these concerns on both sides (and share some insights cheating husbands share with me) in the article below.

How do the husbands really feel about the other woman?: It would be inaccurate and unfair to say that all cheating husbands have similar feelings towards the mistress. Every man, and every relationship, is going to be different. Some men have told me that the lover doesn’t really mean anything to them emotionally, even though he does provide them an outlet when they’re going through personal issues that he perceives as too worrisome, embarrassing, or embarrassing to share with you.

Some men really think they love their lovers, but this often doesn’t last. He sometimes projects things onto her that he later discovers aren’t really there. He wants to see it as the temporary answer to her problems or as something that will make him feel better or more confident. The problem with this is that ultimately, as time goes by, he can’t help but realize that he has been generous or inaccurate in her perceptions of her. He might even eventually come to realize that there is no one, and nothing, who can help him with his problems other than himself.

Mistresses often write to me quite angry and upset when a husband decides to end things. Many of them have actually believed what she was telling them. At that moment, they can’t see that if he’s cheating on his wife, the only person who knows him better than anyone, why would he suddenly be honest with a stranger? The reality is that he often tells his lover exactly what he wants to hear and what will enable him to do so. It’s often not even close to reality, but it’s what you both need to hear to see this.

Many women who cheat with other women’s husbands intellectually know that the situation they find themselves in is generally undesirable, but they get so caught up that they will try to think that their situation is “different.” They want to believe the husband. They want to believe that they are special and unique, and that they “get” it in a way that other women don’t. And, you really can’t totally blame them for this. We are all guilty of acting in ways that allow us to believe that we are getting our heart’s desires. It’s just a matter of self-preservation as we see it at the time.

Determining if your husband really wants to get back with you or if he is just trying to avoid the undesirable consequences of being caught cheating: Many wives tell me that they don’t begin to believe that their husband is sincere in wanting to save the marriage. They think she just doesn’t want to lose her family or her money. And, this is sometimes true. But often she can’t make this call right away. Immediately upon learning of the affair, emotions run very high. People hold on to straws and sometimes say or do things that don’t make sense. Often, it’s only after the dust settles and your actions have to back up your words that you get a clear picture of what’s really going on.

Sometimes you just have to commit to waiting for this to see if the image becomes clearer. Generally speaking, however, over time, men who sincerely want to save their marriages make it evident by staying where they are, being truthful and honest, doing what is necessary to begin the healing process, and having the patience and commitment to walk with you. as they both deal with this. They will usually take responsibility and take the initiative because they know this was their fault and their choice.

Now, you may not even be able to bear to see them at first. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with walking away from the situation until you’re calm enough to be receptive without blinding anger. And we all know that this may well take a while. There is nothing wrong in it. This really is a process that takes some time.

What some men tell me about how they really feel about their wives after an affair: Of course, there are some men who continue to be dishonest after you catch them cheating. Nobody can deny that. But, I really can’t tell you how many letters I get from men asking what they can do to make up for this with their wives. They are actually quite horrified and embarrassed. They often use phrases like “I don’t know what I was thinking” or “What a fool I was.” Sure, they’re looking for sympathy and advice. I can’t deny this either. But I can tell you that sometimes the threat of losing what was important all along is enough for these men to “wake up” and see what is really important.

I can’t tell you what category your own husband falls into, but often if you reassess after time has passed, he’ll give you some clues and show you some actions that will help you determine if he really wants to come home. you in an honest and rehabilitative way.

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