Foster care is challenging but rewarding work. It is a beautiful thing to give a child a home and a chance at a normal life. At the same time, he must understand that he is taking a child under his wing, not really knowing what he has been through or the ways in which he has been traumatized by the system and the feelings of abandonment of him. It takes a special individual to provide a safe haven for such a child. In this article, you will learn three important tips for foster parents.
- Your adopted son will disagree with your authority. Expect this and you won’t be disappointed. The reason a child will have a problem with his authority is that he has probably never had an authority figure in his life that he can trust. Think about it. She is in the system because she was abandoned in some way. It does not matter if this abandonment was intentional or not. Even if a child is in the system because her parents are deceased and there is no one else in the family to take her in, she still feels that she has been abandoned. One of the first things you need to do over and over again is to show this child that you are an authority figure that she can trust. Although he won’t always like the decisions you make as a parent, if he sees that you’re acting in his best interest, he’ll come to trust you and respect your authority over time.
- Know where your foster child is developmentally. Since you have not raised this child since birth, you do not know which of his dependency needs have been met and which have not. That’s why understanding child development is a must for foster parents. Once you discover where your foster child is on the human development path, you will know how to meet his needs, so you will begin to feel that his needs will be met in the same way in the future. This is essential to creating a healthy relationship and a strong emotional bond.
- Foster care (like all parenting) involves spending time with your adopted child. I’m not just referring to quality time that most parents see as fun (like going to the movies), but what I call “quantity time.” The amount of time creates a connection through the experience of doing mundane tasks together, like housework, walking the dog, or shopping. This is what parents do to teach their children how the world works. Something magical happens when the hands are busy with everyday tasks. Emotional walls come down and the intimacy of the heart is often shared. Do you remember the heart-to-heart conversations you had while helping your mom wash the dishes or your dad fix the car? This is a great way to build a connection as you work together to create a comfortable and comforting home.
Foster care can be a mutually rewarding experience for parents and children. As you learn to see who your adopted child is beyond the coping skills you’ve developed to protect him from the world’s authority figures, you’ll find a beautiful child who longs for the chance to be loved and receive love in return.