Gossip: a form of violence in the workplace

For many people, the idea of ”workplace violence” connotes the physical harm that one can do to another. However, there is another form of workplace violence that is just as dangerous and insidious, and that is workplace gossip.

Gossip is any language that could cause other harm, pain, or confusion that is used outside of the presence of another person for whom it is intended.

As a facilitator, trainer, and business advisor, I have experienced numerous work situations where gossip was the norm. Interestingly, in these same organizations, most people would say they are “against.” Furthermore, in these same situations, after formal meetings to discuss the “gossip issue”, after sensitivity workshops designed to reduce and eliminate harmful gossip, after demanding “no more gossip …” and After committing to more honest, open and direct communication (where people verbalize their “commitment” to speak directly to a colleague, to eliminate the “gossip problem”), many of these same engaged people consciously choose to continue participating in the gossip practice.

Why?

Gossip is essentially a form of attack, often arising out of an individual’s conscious and unconscious fears. For some people, their apparent commitment to “not gossip” is easily lost in their fears, anxieties, or concerns about what their life would be like if they stopped gossiping. (eg, “Who would I be then?” What would I do then? “” What would I be one of the boys …? “” Would I have to eat lunch alone? “” Would I lose all my friends? “) Some broader definitions of gossip not only relate to” negative “comments, but even extend to” positive “or” neutral “comments that focus on engaging in conversation focused on the activities / behaviors of others, again , out of the presence of that person.

Stopping the practice of “talking about others” is a challenge for many. Why? Many people simply cannot be authentic in life. Therefore, many turn to the self-defense mechanism of gossip, which is a defense mechanism or self-protection device that they use to avoid having to: appear “, be vulnerable or reveal information about their feelings or emotions, or” open up. ” These people, gossip is a strategy to protect against real or true self disclosure These people have walked around wearing masks and assuming false identities for so long that opening up and revealing who they really are is simply terrifying and threatening.

Therefore, the inner desire to be authentic and sincere, and not gossip, must arise from a person’s deep sense of integrity and from a conscious and sincere desire to be harmless in the context of their life and in their interactions with others. the rest. .

Without this deep internal commitment to harmlessness, a “stop gossiping” command, for example, is simply an “external” induced rule or policy that can often trigger ego-based behaviors in reaction to the “rule. “. So, one continues to find “excuses” (since there is never a “reason”) to gossip.

From this outside perspective to gossip, some people may take on the role of rule enforcer; Others may not want to “enforce” the rule because they do not want to be perceived as too assertive, too aggressive, too aggressive, or too harsh when calling others for their gossip. Also, others may not want to be identified as “benefactors”, “crusaders” or “spiritual” and so on.

In addition, there are those people who want or need to be liked and accepted, and who want or need others to feel comfortable with them, which is why they often continue to gossip when approached. Why? They don’t want to feel like the “stranger.”

So, at the end of the day (and throughout the day!), The commitment not to gossip often wears off pretty quickly over time.

Or, someone may be “defending the rule” outwardly, but still gossiping in their thoughts, still sending out hostile vibrations and just “quiet” about it. Often times, this covert behavior is even more dangerous and insidious.

Gossip is fear-based behavior, so the need for self-protection (that is, not to “show up” authentically) is often greater than the initial commitment to “not gossip.” Self-protection brings a kind of pseudo security and a false sense of well-being that might otherwise be in danger; so one continues to gossip to keep the focus on “someone else, not me.”

For other people, the problem is not so much that they are consciously protecting themselves; it is when they DO NOT KNOW that they are protecting themselves that is essential and therefore many people are unable to take responsibility for their behavior. As a result, many people begin to look outside (blame, find fault, complain, complain …) when they do not take responsibility for themselves, since they do not have the awareness to go inside to explore “what is going on”. “So they gossip and seek to find some ‘reason’ out there to gossip.

Unless we truly explore our inner behavior (mental models, self-images, ego

constructs, superego judgments, beliefs, feelings and concomitant emotions),

You cannot be free from both the urge and the habit of gossip.

We can stop gossiping in the workplace only when an inner desire arises from a deep sense of integrity and authenticity, and a conscious desire to be harmless in the context of our lives and in our interactions with others.

Gossip is a form of violence in the workplace. To free ourselves from inflicting this violence on others, we must explore and heal the divide between our outer self and our inner self. Only then can we live an honest, sincere and responsible life in the workplace and outside of it.

How to train yourself on gossip:

Why am I gossiping or supporting others who do?

What does gossip get me?

Is there another way to obtain this same result without harming another?

Does gossip align with my personal and organizational values of respecting and honoring people?

Would you repeat this gossip directly to the person in question?

Would I like to be quoted on television, in the newspapers or in the company newsletter?

Would I encourage my children to engage in gossip behavior?

Would I get involved in it if it was a family member or personal friend?

Am I expressing my authenticity, sincerity and integrity when talking about gossip?

Does gossip coincide with my commitments to myself and to others?

Do I feel ethical when I’m gossiping?