The scene:
Your baby has been up all night (or has gotten up for the third time, doesn’t nap, needs to be held, is cranky, etc.). You are tired, emotionally drained and feel at the end of your rope. You find your way, baby in your arms, to the kitchen, where you end up with the leftover mac and cheese (and/or the Haagan Daz, cookies, Cheerios, pretzels, cake, etc.) that you swore you wouldn’t make. don’t touch You hate yourself for eating, but right now you don’t care! You put food in your mouth hoping you won’t do it again tomorrow.
Do the bells ring?
If so, you are not alone. Many moms undermine their own health and self-esteem by turning to food when they feel physically and emotionally drained. ‘I bounce my baby while I put cookies in my mouth’ is a common refrain.
The reasons for overeating are numerous. Answers for you may include:
You…
– Give everything (to the baby) without replenishing your own supplies.
– You don’t have time or energy to cook, so you don’t have satisfying meals.
– Put food in your mouth automatically.
– Do not think about the emotional and physical repercussions of overeating.
– You suffer from a sugar/carbohydrate addiction that predisposes you to overeat.
– Believe that more food will give you more energy.
– You need something, anything, to make you feel better right now!
– Having returned to an old and dysfunctional way of coping with stress.
Whatever your reasons for overeating, take this opportunity to ask yourself:
How can I give myself emotionally, physically and spiritually without resorting to food?
How to overcome the here and now:
When dealing with the moment just to get through the day (or night), think about the 3 “R”.
Remember: The pull you feel from eating will pass. The voice in your head telling you to eat is just a voice. Try not to listen to what he says. Remember how bad overeating makes you feel (try to make a list of all the negative repercussions and read your list when you want to eat).
Memory: You won’t starve if you refrain from putting whatever is in front of you into your mouth. If you’re in doubt about whether your hunger is ‘real’, have a healthy snack (some almonds and a small apple, carrots and hummus, a plain yogurt with fruit, a slice of whole grain bread with a slice of turkey, etc.).
Realize: Overeating is not a crime. If you can’t resist eating more than you’d like, be kind to yourself. Accept where you are and have faith that in time you will find better coping strategies.
For lasting physical and emotional health:
remember the three 3 “A”:
Awareness: No behavior can be changed until you accept it and see it for what it is:
Clap your hands for having the courage to admit that something feels wrong!
Acceptance: Only when you accept who you are and where you are, do you free yourself for change. Fighting your reality, your fatigue, struggles, resentments, and desire for attention, will lead you back to food.
Food takes you away from your Being: just facing and feeling what is happening, the desire to eat will decrease.
Values: You must take tangible steps to achieve your goals.
ask yourself:
1. What form of positive self-feeding will ‘feed’ me from day to day?
two. What can I do to develop healthier ways to deal with the challenges I face?
Options include (but are not limited to):
– Schedule pre-baby activities that you miss (read a novel, get a massage, go to a movie, museum, or play, write in a journal, pick up a forgotten hobby, etc.).
– Find moms with whom you can share your experiences and connect.
– Create a healthy eating plan and resist the urge to diet.
– Seek the help of a life coach, counselor or therapist to support you through this difficult time.
– Exercising (either in a gym or at home).
– Hire a babysitter and spend some time alone.
– Go on a date with a girlfriend or your partner.
– Call a friend and get the support you need (even in the middle of the night).
– Join a support group (eg, Overeaters Anonymous, Radiant Recovery, Eating Disorder Recovery Resource Support Network – all can be found online)
– Get a ‘healthy living’ buddy: Call each other when either of you has the urge to overeat and/or hand over to the other what you plan to eat (and actually eat) each day.
– Plan your meals in advance and then stick to your plan.
– Designate a weekly date with yourself and take some time to do something you love.
As you work to improve your relationship with food, keep in mind that your journey is about progress, not perfection. Always try to accept yourself as you are; live as honestly as you can; and treat yourself with the same love and compassion with which you treat your child.
Copyright ©2009, Significant Self, Claudia Heilbrunn