This is a common question among those who are thinking of leaving or have left an emotionally abusive partner (narcissistic, sociopath, borderline, etc.). While there may be some exceptions, the main reason why a psychopath will not leave someone alone is because their target has not implemented Contactless in its real form.

For example, I often read on forums that someone has been “No Contact” for x number of days, but then they receive a phone call, email, or Facebook message from the person they are trying to escape from. which, of course, keeps them in a state of confusion and doubt. (The only reason an N-Ex should have an open line of communication is in the case of joint custody, and even then, there should only be one.)

If there is a way for the psychopath to communicate with you, then you have not gone to No Contact … you have gone to “No Response”, which is different. Let’s talk about what Contactless really means:

What no contact IT IS

No contact is: blocking your ex from your cell phone. There are a number of applications that will allow you to do this. “Mr Number” is great because you can set it to hang up automatically without going to voicemail.

No contact is: blocking your ex from your email accounts. All of them. If you are the type who needs to explain what you are doing, send a final email and then block it. Don’t leave yourself open to an answer because doing so will only lead to more insanity.

No contact: Block your ex from your social networks. All of them. There is absolutely no reason to keep them on your “friends” list. This includes Facebook, Skype, Tango, VooLoo, Facetime, etc. Make a list of all the networks you use and remove the Ex from all of them.

No contact is: change your cell phone number, if necessary, and give it only to friends and family. Not your ex.

No contact is: do not answer the door if they approach. And they probably will. Do not break the door so you can tell them that you are complying with the No Contact rule. It backfires and shows the Narc that they are winning, which is all they want in the first place. If they insist, get away from the door, go to your room, put on earplugs, sing a little ditty, or connect with headphones and your favorite song / meditation on YouTube. Pretend they’re not there. If you start to worry about your safety, file a restraining order. You don’t need to tell them that you will, just do it.

No Contact is – Shred any letter received through the Postal Service. Don’t open them, just grind them. If you can’t make up your mind to do it, give them to a good friend to destroy. (If you have a custody agreement, let a trusted friend open the letter to determine if it is a legal matter or simply your attempt to vacuum.)

No contact is: do not reply to friends who send you for information.

No Contact is – Do not accept new “friend requests” on social media, especially if it is a request with no image and that was ONLY established.

What no contact Is not:

No contact is not: leaving them with full access to call you and decide whether or not to answer the phone when they call.

No contact is not – leave them on your “friends” list on your social media so you can covertly show them how happy you are in order to make them jealous and / or miss you OR so you can post pretty pictures of yourself to make them “regret” how they treated you.

No contact is not: ignoring them for a few days to teach them a lesson and then letting them in like nothing happened.

No contact is not: asking your mutual acquaintances about your ex so you can find out if they are dating again.

No contact is not: send a message or text message that you are going to “No contact” and then give in when they start to attack. They will launch an attack. Save yourself the drama. Keep those lines of communication blocked.

Not having contact is not: telling all your friends that you have left without contact, but secretly communicating with your ex because you are ashamed and ashamed of the truth.

The why

Generally, there are three reasons why the psychopath may communicate during the absence of contact:

1) You really forgot about that Instagram account that you hardly ever use and you find a message from your ex from two weeks ago.

2) He or she stalked you to your favorite cafe / restaurant / park, etc.

3) You secretly want your ex to contact you.

If you find a message on a networking site that you rarely use, just delete it and remove / block the Ex.

If they stalk you or follow you to a place you are visiting, you will need to let them know that you are not interested in continuing the relationship and ask them to leave you alone. If they resist, inform them that you will involve the authorities if necessary. As a last resort, get back in your car, go home, and call the police to file a report. It is important to establish the fact that you no longer want to contact your ex in case your situation comes to court later, such as in the event that you need to file a restraining / protection order.

If the number 3 resonates with you, it is important that you understand why the psychopath is trying to get back in your favor. Here are common examples of why they do this (this is not a complete list):

Because they can, when you repeatedly let the psychopath back into your life after obvious abuse and mistreatment, they will not only continue to abuse you, but they will take it as a sign that you are willing to accept such abuse.

You have begun to internalize their lies about you; After months and years of hearing that no one else would want you except for sex and money, you think it’s true. Also, you think the abusive descriptions they make of you, like you’re too old, too fat, not smart enough, not handsome enough, or handsome … think about it, would someone who loves you ever say these things?

Punish and destroy: they like to play cat and mouse. Since you dared to set a limit, they want to show that they can not only violate it; they will destroy the self-esteem that has been left in that moment.

Many victims of emotional abuse feel that implementing No Contact and maintaining it is a cruel way to end the relationship. That’s because they can feel compassion and empathy for others. Psychopaths don’t. As you try to protect their feelings, they are hatching ways to make you pay for your No Contact decision, and you will only suffer more at their hands. Unfortunately, it is necessary to detach from your feelings of empathy and view No Contact as a way to escape abuse, begin recovery, and begin a path to a new life that will hopefully not include more abuse. Also, once the psycho finds a new source of supply, they’ll discard you anyway.

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