“Believe it and you can achieve it.” We’ve all heard it, we’ve all seen it in others, but why is it so hard to believe in ourselves?
I remember a scene from the movie “Pretty Woman” in which Julia Roberts responds to Richard Gere: “Bad things are easier to believe. Have you noticed that?” Her response struck a chord with me and I still struggle to find my self worth to this day.
Why is this true, and more importantly, what can we do about it?
In her fascinating TED TALK, “Getting Stuck in the Negatives,” Alison Ledgerwood demonstrates the results of a series of experiments that prove what we instinctively already knew. It is easier to believe the negative things.
That is not the end of the story. She further explains that it takes work to think more positively and it is possible to train yourself to be more positive and build her self-esteem.
Here are my top 10 proven actions that have helped me from some bad times to the most positive and productive periods of my life.
1. Every time you have a bad day. Ask yourself “What was good today?” You always take out of life what you focus on the most. If your approach is negative, you’ll get more of what you don’t want, but if you break the pattern with just one question and make an effort to focus on what you do want, you’re more likely to get it.
2. Set small achievable goals by yourself, but be sure to complete them! Inch by inch you will begin to feel more capable with each achievement.
3. Get ready to improve every aspect of your life by just 1%. Think about it. 1% improvement in every area of your life, every day, increases your motivation, drive and your achievements which automatically help you believe in yourself.
4. Take the time to wait. When you get stuck. ARREST! Break the routine! Walking the dog! Go to dance! Out with friends! Navigation. What you love to do the most, relaxes you and puts a smile on your face. For me it is to saddle my horses and hit the road! I learned a valuable lesson from a wonderful boss I had many years ago. He used to laugh at me when he stubbornly stayed up all night trying to solve a problem at work. He always told me to stop, go home and get a good night’s sleep. Inevitably, the next morning, he would find the solution within the first 5 minutes of starting work. Solving a problem quickly gives you more self-confidence and sure beats fighting when you’re tired and telling yourself you’re a “waste of space”.
5. Eat that frog! Mark Twain once wrote: “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.” Brian Tracey used the quote as the title of his book on fighting procrastination. The idea is, when you look at your to-do list, what is the task you least want to do. Do it first and get it out of the way, afterward, you will feel uplifted and more relaxed. Your productivity will skyrocket for the rest of the day as will your self-esteem.
6. Tell your inner self to “SHUT UP!” In his highly entertaining pep talks, Les Brown hilariously explains that you would never treat others the way we treat ourselves. When that little voice starts scolding you for how useless you are. Tell him to shut up! It is not what happens around you that prevents you from reaching your goals. They are just obstacles that you can go over, under or around. It is our self-destructive inner voice playing with our emotions that holds us back. Take a break.
7. Help others. There are very few things in life that give you such an instant boost of self-esteem like helping someone else. I like to help others, especially when I’m feeling down, it’s an instant change to the slippery slope of depression.
8. Acknowledge your abilities. Make a list of all the skills you are good at. I can’t think of anything. Ask your friends and family. What is it that everyone likes and admires about you? If your life is just an endless list of mistakes, maybe your value is like life’s bumper doll. Half the battle in life is avoiding pitfalls, and if you can help others in that regard, then your contribution is invaluable.
9. Face your fear. My favorite quote on this subject is from Oprah Winfrey “What you fear the most has no power. Your fear is what has the power. Facing the truth will truly set you free.” In my opinion and through personal experience, facing your fear head on will only make you stronger. Last year was the hardest year of my life. My beautiful 4 years. eldest son was diagnosed with a rare and very aggressive form of leukemia. BUT despite the pain, the despair, the fears of losing him, and the loneliness of being separated from my other son and my family. He would get me up every morning to go and sit by his bed from dawn until midnight. It was hard, very hard, but now he is on the road to recovery and we have both come away from the experience much stronger and less fearful than before. Don’t let fear stop you. You have so much to offer the world.
10 Do something you believe in. A sense of purpose is one of the most powerful ways to feel fulfilled. when you know because you’re doing something. The drive and motivation just flow effortlessly.
The most important message I want you to learn is to keep going. “When you rest you rust” No matter what happens to you in life, don’t give up. Let go of the past, stop fighting it. It’s like hitting your head against a brick wall, only you get hurt. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Forgive those who have hurt you. Maybe you should thank them because they have made you more aware and stronger.
Get off the “Pity Potty.” Dust off your dreams and start living your life. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you. It will not be easy; if it was easy then everyone would be doing it. Success will be even sweeter, having worked hard and overcome all obstacles.
It took the horror of my son, leukemia, to snap me out of my “I’m not worth it” mentality. Since then, I have started a new online business, which allows me precious time to spend with my children and animals, financial freedom to buy a new house, and I can help other people realize their dreams.
What is your dream?
