Sexuality has to do with the personal choices we make to explore our sexuality, both alone and with a lover. The way we express our sexuality should show consideration for others. Anyone can decide to remain a virgin or be celibate. Everyone has the right to make their own sexual decisions without undue coercion from another person. We need to respect other people’s sexual decisions. Sex should be a pleasure not an obligation.
Men are usually physically stronger than women and children. So the law protects these two vulnerable groups. Most societies have laws that make it illegal for children under the age of 18 to engage in sexual activity (either with an adult or with another minor). The sexual scenarios are very different for a woman, especially if she is inexperienced or has a new lover.
A sexual education needs to talk about sexuality in a coherent and consistent way. We need to explain how intercourse can amount to lovemaking on one occasion and rape on another. A person’s response to a stimulus cannot depend on the attitude of the person providing it. Date rape, for example, is usually an acceptable form of intercourse. So why are women so vehemently opposed? And why are men so desperate that they need to drug women?
Although men always initiate sex, they still believe that women want it. When you want something bad enough, you can talk yourself into anything. It’s hard for women to understand why there is nothing they need so much. We all depend on air to breathe, water and food, but these things do not depend on the cooperation of another person. During sex, the man feels free to explore the woman’s body within the limits set by her tacit approval.
One of the problems with the concept of consent is that women tend to passively accept sexual activity that men initiate. Sex is primarily a male pleasure. So, a man has a proactive role, while a woman has a passive role in allowing a man to enjoy the arousal of her body. A woman’s enjoyment of sexual intercourse depends on the man’s attitude. The relationship factors that a woman enjoys operate primarily at the beginning of a relationship. They can also work later if a woman gets rewards from other parties in the relationship that compensate her for passively or actively investing in her sex life.
A man can tell that a woman is not enthusiastic about sex because of her apathetic attitude. As long as this lack of enthusiasm is not recognized, a man may continue to have sexual relations with a woman on the basis that she does not object. Many women are far from enthusiastic about sex, but are rarely explicitly opposed to it. Since women are not aroused by a lover, sexual intercourse represents the easiest way to satisfy a man’s sexual needs while requiring minimal commitment and effort for a woman.
It is assumed that a woman has the maturity to understand the meaning of sexual activity and the associated risks. A woman is expected to know that sexual intercourse can result in pregnancy if she does not take precautions (she uses a contraceptive). A woman learns how she can use sex to gain a man’s commitment to her. Men tend to be very willing to financially support a woman as long as they have regular sex. Some men are amazingly devoted to pleasing their lovers in other ways (besides sex) and we often see this devotion portrayed as a characteristic of male partners.
Consent is not about responsiveness or even mutual pleasure. Women are not aroused by sexual activity with a lover at any age. But by the time they reach adulthood, women have gained an appreciation of what they want from men. Consent is more about a person having the social maturity and life experience to understand the consequences of engaging in sexual activity.
An adult is supposed to have the experience, character, and confidence that makes them capable of making their own sexual decisions without the risk of being coerced by a more energetic adult. An adult is supposed to have the confidence to stand up to anyone else who puts emotional or physical pressure on him or her to engage in unwanted sexual activity.
Traditionally, sexual relations have always been fully tolerated (even encouraged by sexual activity) even by the strictest religions due to men’s need for regular sexual interaction. An implicit assumption of marriage is that a woman consents to have sexual relations with her husband. A man wants to establish his right to have regular sexual relations with his wife. The wife’s refusal to consummate the marriage may be grounds for annulment.
Men make sure they get the stimulation and arousal (stimulating a lover’s anatomy) they need for their sexual release. This is one of the reasons why women are less enthusiastic about casual sex than men. Women behave passively in sexual situations and have much less control than men. Some men have very unusual or deviant sexual behaviors. Some men are violent with women and cause them physical harm.
Regardless of their relationship status, a woman retains her rights to her own body, including what she does with it and what a lover can do with it. When it comes to our sexual decisions, we should only do what is comfortable for us, not what others (even a lover) tell us to do.
In marriage, the man more or less assumes that intercourse is his privilege, and the law confirms this interpretation. (Alfredo Kinsey 1953)
