I wake up covered in cold sweat, sick with fear. I know it was just a bad dream, and yet I have to get up and check on her, just to see if she’s okay. Barefoot, without turning on the lights even though it’s midnight, I walk toward her. She opens her golden eyes and looks at me, and I start to breathe, realizing only then that she was holding her breath.
His look is calm, so I calm down too. I’m sorry I woke her up, and I console myself with the thought that she always finds it easy to sleep.
However, sleep is not so easy for me. I don’t even remember nightmares and I don’t want to; all I want is for her to be safe, and there is nothing in the world that can guarantee me that. Nothing and no one could guarantee me that someone wouldn’t hit her with a car for the fun of it, or cut her up and post photos of her on Facebook or videos on YouTube. People are getting more and more angry, more and more nervous, and many like to take it out on those who are smaller and weaker than they are, and she is so small and vulnerable. I tell myself that she has her own strengths anyway, that she is really smart and careful, sometimes even more careful than me! – but that’s not enough to comfort me.
Sometimes I think about locking her up, not letting her leave the house. There are people who do that, some even pride themselves on being careful and reasonable. However, he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t just lock her up and take away her freedom. Even if she lived that way longer, would she still be as happy as she is now, free to do what she wants and go where she pleases (within reason, of course; if there’s a neighbor with a bad dog, I’m gone). yell at him for coming near that patio, and go ahead and laugh at me for acting silly, I dare you!)?
I lay on my bed, still awake, still afraid for her, when she comes to see me. Has she heard Me? Did I make a noise that I didn’t even realize? Or have you felt something? I don’t know, and at that point, it doesn’t matter. I look at the contours of her petite body, her beautiful golden eyes, and I calm down. There she is, right in front of me, and she’s fine. She is perfectly fine.
I make myself comfortable as she jumps on my bed and purrs me into a peaceful sleep.
This story was first featured in the Bibliophilic Blather.
