How many breaths are there between the first life one provides and then our final exhalation? How many minutes are there between the two? I can remember my mother telling me when she was young that it saddened her to read about someone young who had passed away. But even back then she kept asking me what if that person had a wonderful, fulfilling life… even if she was shorter than we think of as “normal.” Why should that make one sad? I have met many people who have lived very long lives but who did not appreciate it and were insensitive and unkind. Is it better to live 30 years and always be happy and amazed by the wonders of life or to live 87 years and be bitter and resentful every day?
So it seems to me that it’s not the total number of minutes that makes up your life… but what you do with those minutes.
I think of all the minutes that I have used in my life to date and contemplate if I feel that they were put to good use. I realize that there are periods of time in my life when time was wasted foolishly. That I placed a higher value on another person’s time and personal value than I did on my own.
Somehow… my upbringing conditioned me to put someone else’s needs above my own. That it would help me be a better person… or at least a more humble person. What I experienced was that this only caused other people to ‘use’ me and then abruptly discard me when they had used up everything they could use.
There are moments in my life that I wish had never ended and I try desperately to hold on to these…and moments that I wish I had never allowed to exist. I want to be able to go back in time and walk up to these people and say, “You wasted my precious minutes and I’d like to get them back so I can repurpose them into happy memories.”
My passion for my life and my artwork expands from this and I try to make different (better) decisions than in the past. This has become an expression of my being and often a way of explaining and sometimes reflecting on my past. Holding on to something from the past in the hope that it will never escape. But I know with every ounce of my being that time is fleeting.
I inhale… exhale… and another moment passes.
I go to sleep at night and lie in bed wondering what I could have done differently today. It’s not because I feel the need to question the decisions I’ve made… just to help me make better decisions for tomorrow. I only have so many minutes… I don’t want to waste them.
1 minute = 12 breaths
60 minutes = 720 breaths
24 hours = 17,280 breaths
1 week = 120,960 breaths
1 month = 3,628,800 breaths
1 year = 43,545,000 breaths
43 years = 1,872,460,800 breaths
and counting….
