For men who have trouble committing to a woman, the Internet is a playground. They can do anything from social networking with women from all over the world to looking at photos of naked women.
So when does this type of behavior become an issue online?
I recently received an email from a woman whose boyfriend is “perfect” except for one thing: he collects women on MySpace. When she confronted her boyfriend about the number of women on her page, she closed her account. She then found out that she opened a new one behind her back and was flirting with many women.
She was understandably very hurt by this. When she confronts her boyfriend again, he breaks down crying. He said that he didn’t want to lose her and told her that he wasn’t cheating on her. Rather, she excused her behavior by saying that she was just innocently flirting to boost her self-esteem.
This woman was very confused and worried that he might be thinking or fantasizing about these other women. But she was also making excuses for him, saying that men “need a way out.”
Is this true? Is her boyfriend cheating on her exchanging photos with other women?
When a guy chooses commitment
Guys who CHOOSE to be in committed relationships don’t “need a way out” like this. Men who do NOT choose to be in a committed relationship have the right to follow their impulses however they want, they have the right to take advantage of all possible ways to contact women, but a man in a committed relationship has made a decision: either he gets you, or wallows in the world of women.
But there is a difference between simply looking at photos of other women and reaching out to them. An image is one thing. Touch, voice, email, text and online contact are others.
It is quite possible that this woman’s boyfriend suffers from low self-esteem and that his interactions with women online are completely harmless. But this is where communication comes in. She needs to tell her boyfriend how she feels about him hooking up with women online.
Notice I said “feel.” That means that instead of accusing him of having an online love affair, she would express her feelings. She might say something like, “When I found out you had a new MySpace account, I was scared and confused. It hurt that you kept this from me, and I’m scared of how it might affect our relationship.”
Chances are your boyfriend, if he’s a nice guy, won’t feel guilty but will move to comfort her and make her happy. And if he has low self-esteem, he’ll see that she really loves him and that she needs to work on building her confidence in ways that don’t involve other women.
It all comes down to how YOU feel, whether it’s about a possible online affair or anything else in your relationship. If what your man is doing, and doing it in front of you is much better than doing it behind your back, bothers you or makes you feel bad in any way, then you should tell him how you feel about it or walk away. of the.
