When you wait for your husband to finish his affair and return home, it can initially feel like a victory when both happen. After all, this is what you’ve been waiting for. Many wives think that if they can talk some sense into her husband, end the affair and return to where she belongs, then everything else will fall into place eventually.
Unfortunately, this is not always the way it happens. Sometimes YES ends the adventure. He DOES come home. But the meeting is not necessarily happy. He comes home and seems reluctant to participate fully in the family or in the marriage. He comes home and not only is he not excited, but he doesn’t seem to want to be there. Some husbands go so far as to reluctantly unpack only a few things or not at all.
A wife might explain, “It’s been about four months since I first found out about my husband’s affair. In fact, I was the one who kicked him out. woman. I guess I should have. Because frankly, he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. But I was really surprised and upset when he did exactly that. In fact, knowing that he was living with her and that the affair was still going on. I was a little crazy. I was mad at my husband and wondering if I wanted to stay married to him. But I was madly jealous. And I guess that’s when I realized I didn’t want to just give him up. So when he came up to me to see one day where our marriage might lead, I opened up to him. I told him I couldn’t and I wouldn’t make any promises to him, but eventually he could come home and we could see where it would lead. We met several times before we he finally came back to ca sa. Things seemed to be going well between you. s, so I had high hopes. But things turned out dramatically different than I expected. My husband hasn’t even unpacked his clothes and he’s been here for a week. It’s like he’s not confident enough to know that he’s going to stay. And even though we’ve talked and had some awkward conversations, he hasn’t even tried to touch me. This doesn’t make me feel very wanted. Sometimes I wonder if it was the other woman’s decision, and not his, to end things and I only find myself with a disappointed, unhappy man with no other options. And I start to feel like our marriage is over, if he doesn’t even unpack or touch me. Why else would he be doing this?”
I’ll give you some pointers as to why you might be seeing this behavior which, believe it or not, is not that uncommon.
It doesn’t feel very worthy to be home: This is a very common reason why husbands who return home walk lightly and do not fully participate in home or family life. He doesn’t feel worthy. And he may be afraid that you don’t really want him there. So tiptoe and walk on eggshells. This will usually improve over time as you both become more comfortable with the idea that no one is leaving and that you are both committed to making it work.
Worried it won’t work: This is similar to the reason above, but it’s a bit different. Because you may actually believe that you both want it to work. But he has doubts that he can. You can be fully aware that her betrayal was huge and that the pain was deep. So while you may really wish all of this would go away, you may know that this is simply not realistic. And the pessimistic voice in her head says something like, “You don’t even deserve to unpack. You’re lucky he’s letting you live again, but it won’t last. He’ll kick you out as soon as possible.” as she comes to her senses. Save yourself some time and hassle and don’t even get comfortable.”
He may be waiting for you to try to accommodate him to make him feel more comfortable.: The last thing I am going to mention is that a guilty husband often stays behind in the hope that you will notice his behavior and try to be accommodating or affectionate with him in order to attract him. He may expect you to go out of your way to reassure him that you really want him back home, that you’re glad he’s home, etc. This is really just human nature. Everyone wants peace of mind. Everyone wants to feel like they’re not the only one who cares. And there’s nothing wrong with offering her peace of mind if you’re comfortable with it. But sometimes you have to be careful not to let him turn the tables so that you are in the position that he should be in.
Honestly, this can all be very temporary. It is understandable that both sides have some trepidation. Everyone can be afraid of rejection or failure. It is normal. Counseling can help, as can being honest and expressing your feelings and concerns. You could try: “I understand why you’re not sure whether to unpack or show me physical affection. I understand that you’re afraid of rejection in this situation. But I wouldn’t have asked you to come home if I hadn’t.” want you to be here. I can’t make any promises to you, but I’m certainly open.”
This might be enough to allow you to let your guard down a bit, but most people will want to watch and wait to let their guard down completely and open their hearts. It is not necessarily a lack of confidence. It’s more a matter of self-preservation.
