Self-confidence is the priceless ingredient that contributes to a happy and successful life. It begins to develop at birth and increases or decreases, depending on how we were raised, the different kinds of experiences we face, and the way others see us. Self-confidence determines our personality.
The resources we need to develop self-confidence are in our minds and therefore always available to us if we look within ourselves. William James, the American thinker, believed that human beings can alter their lives by altering their mental attitude.
Divya, a fifteen-year-old girl, lives in a remote village in India. She is the daughter of a toddy tapper who died prematurely, leaving behind a family of five with no means of support. Divya decided to take up her father’s profession even though she had never climbed a tree before and no one had ever heard of a toddy tapper. It was exclusively a men’s job, and in her traditional society, she met with harsh opposition from men and ridicule from women. Her family was worried about the risks to life. But Divya with only a week of practice and with a lot of confidence, continues with her father’s work. Her work begins at dawn and is exhausting. But it lasts only a few hours each morning. She earns enough to support her family and continue her studies. As Norman Vincent Peale used to say: “You can if you think you can.”
Barriers to self-confidence.
o Inferiority complex: It is the lack of a sense of worth that paralyzes people emotionally. It can start in childhood even in the home environment due to criticism from parents or rude comments from siblings.
Children at school may criticize one’s physical appearance or intelligence.
Neighbors can be thoughtless in how they relate to children. A rude and condescending attitude towards a child can make them feel worthless.
With the rise of feminism, the status of motherhood has been seen as a form of servitude. The stay-at-home mother feels inferior to her financially independent counterparts. Print and broadcast media glorify images of intelligent superwomen in the corporate world, or sexy models and movie stars who are the targets of all eyes. Physical attractiveness is very important. Flaunting beauty creams, hair dyes, anti-aging ointments, perfumes, designer clothes, creates an inferiority complex and a bad self-image in those who cannot afford such luxuries.
o Feelings of inadequacy: Many people who have retired from their jobs and active lifestyles feel worthless with nothing to do. Self-pity sets in and confidence sinks.
o Sexual inadequacy: Fear of being physically and sexually inadequate, fear of being unattractive, or even fear of pregnancy can undermine self-confidence.
o Environment: When one is not treated with respect and dignity at home or in the workplace, a person can fall into self-pity and feel that they are of no importance to the world. Caste, color, money, power are prejudices that can undermine the self-confidence of victims.
o Fear: Autocratic parents, violent spouses, inconsiderate colleagues, nagging wives, disrespectful children: these are some of the situations that generate fear or insecurity in people. They develop a distorted bad image of themselves, which robs them of their self-confidence.
o Worry: “The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable,” says Seneca. It affects one’s mental ability to think clearly or solve simple problems. Worry is a mouse that chews up self-confidence.
Ways to increase self confidence.
1. Introspection: Are you living up to your potential? If not, what are the obstacles you encounter? Obstacles are challenges. They are not insurmountable. It is advisable to make a list and tackle them one by one. The more you can handle each of them, the more confident you will be. Therefore, refuse to give up.
William Wilberforce was plagued by illness for most of his life. He was addicted to opium for 20 years. But he never lacked self-confidence. He was an able parliamentarian and worked for the abolition of slavery in Britain. The imposing memorial to him in Westminster Abbey describes him as the “Attorney General for unprotected families and the destitute”.
2. Love yourself in a healthy way. Be happy with who you are. Acknowledge the power and potential that God has given you and build on it.
or Know yourself. What are your strengths and what are your limitations? Work on the latter.
o Believe in yourself. “Self-confidence is the first secret of success,” says Ralph Waldo Emerson. Work on changing what you don’t like about yourself.
o Set high standards to achieve, based on honesty and integrity. Don’t waste time trying to meet the standards that others have set for you. Be careful not to fall in line with the values of a commercialized, eroticized and immoral society. Don’t be like the 300 giant whales that follow a school of sardines and get stuck in a bay. Chart your own course, visualize victory and live with purpose.
3. Have a positive mindset. Plan your movements according to what you want to be. Stay motivated towards that goal.
According to Jean Sharbuno, “Positive expectation is a mindset: an eager anticipation of success and doing whatever it takes to make it happen.” One is reminded of John Keats, the sickly young English poet who, despite his failing health, was confident enough to say, “I think I shall be the greatest poet in England after my death.”
4. Self-discipline: “The first and best victory is to conquer oneself,” says Plato.
Keep unpleasant thoughts out of your mind. Set high standards for yourself and focus on achieving them. Stick to enduring values and uphold integrity in everything you do. Positive autosuggestion will increase confidence. The mantra of “I am a confident person. I believe in myself” should be repeated several times a day, until you are convinced that you are a confident person.
The humble spider has a lot to teach us about self-confidence. It has a built-in mechanism for survival. If injured, it releases a protein-filled silken thread which it slides down and builds another web in a new location. When it is time to lay eggs, it produces a protective silken sac to contain the eggs. An enemy that gets too close is trapped in the sticky exterior of the bag. The spider then weaves more threads around the enemy and eats it.
A self-confident person will live life to their fullest potential. It will reinforce your weak points and capitalize on your strong points. “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause of fear,” says Norman Vincent Peale. We need to remember that we are precious in God’s eyes, and He has infused us with power and potential to live confidently.