There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. That’s how I once opened a conference for a group of people who were training to become volunteers for a nonprofit organization I worked for. I came across “How can you minimize someone’s experience?” It’s a fair question, but it seemed strange to me, as I had been in the field for 2 decades working as a crisis counselor, and was just trying to pass on what I had learned myself. So, I replied, “Let me give you some examples.”
While it is true that many of us do small things, big things. I never try to minimize what someone is going through. But there are two that they say that I have found to be true. One only has to take a look at social networks to see the relevance of these sayings. First, the saying “Talking about our problems is our biggest addiction.” Powerful! When we continue to talk about our problems, we feed them and they become much bigger than they really can be. Second, “Right now someone is praying to have the problems you have.” Even more powerful. So when pressed for a better example, I offered the following.
Michelle was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Horrible diagnosis. However, she has not been given a prognosis. Meanwhile, Toni was on her way to dinner with her parents to announce that she was getting married. Along the way, she was hit by a drunk driver. She lying on the side of the road and will bleed out before the paramedics can get to her. Do you think she would be willing to switch places with Michelle? While Michelle’s diagnosis isn’t promising, do you think Toni would like the chance to fight for her life? Now, what about putting her house in order? How about saying I love you to family and friends one last time? Do you think she would change places?
Jason and Wanda have been trying to have a child ever since they got married. Ten years later, they are still not pregnant. They don’t want to adopt and feel cursed. Meanwhile, across town, Lisa, a 14-year-old girl, became pregnant in her first sexual encounter. Her parents demand that she abort so that she does not discredit her last name. She feels unloved, out of options, and the boy who got her pregnant refuses to talk to her. Would Lisa like to change places so she doesn’t feel embarrassed and forced to have an abortion?
Mark is 68 years old and in a nursing home and has been in constant pain 24 hours a day. His pain is unmanageable and he has been for the last 17 months. Right next to his bed is Linda. She is about the same age as Mark, she is receiving hospice care, and she is expected to die within the next 72 hours. She feels no pain, family is gathered around her and she will eventually die in her sleep. Mark has been praying to die. And he would change places.
Matt is a heroin addict and homeless. It’s winter. He resides in an abandoned building. Tonight he lies there with a needle dangling from his arm. He has no food, no hope, and no family support. Rhonda is in rehab and is not working on her show. She is disruptive, breaks the rules and wants to leave, but she can’t because the treatment is court ordered. Do you think Matt would trade places with her? What do you think he would do to change places to have a bed, a bath, a meal and feel loved again? What do you think would happen if he felt hope again?
Dawn is a successful businesswoman in her mid-thirties. However, all she makes of herself is complain that she is not married. Erin, her personal assistant, has been married for six years and constantly overhears Dawn say that he wishes he had a husband like her. But what Dawn doesn’t know is that Erin’s husband has a gambling problem. What’s worse, when he loses badly at the card table, he comes home and takes it out on her. Erin wants to divorce her, but she can’t afford it. Also, she believes that if she tried to leave, he would hurt himself. Would Erin change places?
The truth is that someone right now is praying for your problems. Of course we have the right to have a bad day and feel sorry for ourselves. But after 30 years working in mental health, I stand by what I said. And that is “There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.” Find that something. Now get on with your life. Because we can’t always trade places.
