There are numerous articles and studies that show that women are generally less self-confident than men. Okay, but the problem is this: to be successful, trust matters as much as competition.
I attended a panel discussion last week on this topic. The room was packed with more than 90 women of different professions, ages, and educational backgrounds. The panel consisted of a high-tech director, the CIO of a major healthcare conglomerate, the hiring director of a large sales company, and a very successful young entrepreneur. Three were women and one was a man. The moderator was a man. It was fascinating. What I got from the discussion and the questions asked and the discussions with other attendees after the discussion was a message. The message was how to deal with the current standard that favors men and that women basically stop being full of doubts. Examples were shared that were inspiring. It was not what was said that was disturbing to me, but what was not said at all.
What was not addressed is what I believe is critical to the future of women’s success, closing the gender gap and making the brilliant contribution of women recognized in the world. What we need to talk about is how to change the conversation in the world so that the gender gap is a thing of the past. I don’t know how to do this myself, but it is clear to me that when women come together and ask how to close the gender gap and then start taking action, it will be done. I think one of the keys is for women, as individuals, to assume their own confidence.
As I work with thousands of women, I know that many suffer from a loss of self-confidence. Self-confidence and the assault on our individual self-confidence is a complex conversation. Almost always, there are multiple times throughout our lives when we try something, fail, and someone said something that we turn into a ‘life sentence’ about who we are or our relationship to failure. Whatever we decide and sentence ourselves to has a long-term impact on our self-confidence. This seems logical to most people, but you often cannot see it. It is like water for fishing: when you are swimming in it, you do not know that you are in the water. The same for us, when we lack confidence.
I want to give you a quick couple of steps to see if you can see your own “water of doubt”:
1. Carry a notebook or an app with you, and when you find yourself doubting or doubting yourself, see if you can see what you are saying to yourself or others.
2. After doing this for 3 days, see if you can find the theme or something common it says.
3. See if you can remember when you started saying that. (Like once something happened and you made a decision and started saying whatever you say when in doubt).
4. Ask yourself, who said that or who decided that?
5. Since you decided or said what you said, ask yourself if it is empowering you. And, of course, it is not.
6. Make up something else.
This is what I want you to know: you are the author of your own doubts. You can be the author to increase your confidence.