Navigating the dating jungle may not be as difficult as the Congo, but it sure will feel like it. My display of bad habits is often removed by daters for being difficult, selfish, or just plain rude and insulting. A guy once told me that he wanted to see me and my best friend together for our first conversation! Then he tried to explain himself by saying ‘it’s a man thing’. I’m not a guy, so I don’t know if that’s true, but I know his comment was totally inappropriate. Maya Angelo has a famous quote that people tell you who they are and when they do, you should listen. More often than you realize, people are constantly showing you and telling you who they really are. Studies show that most people’s favorite subject is themselves, so the next time someone shows you who they are at first, listen up, because it probably won’t get any better.
It seems that people are always looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal). While this may be good in your careers and financial life, it doesn’t really work well in the dating world. In South Florida and Los Angeles, for example, the unemployment rate is actually higher than the national average. So singles with the bare minimum (eg, job, car, and place of their own) are like commodities, and sadly, they know it. This can lead to excessive pickiness, overlooking their own shortcomings, and basically jumping from one partner to another because no one is good enough, at least in their eyes.
That’s why it’s a good idea not to get your hopes up too quickly after meeting someone. I know many women who start choosing wedding colors after the first date. Although this can feel good and give them a temporary high, the higher we go, the harder we fall. This type of behavior can lead to great disappointment and unnecessary distress.
A proposed and perhaps controversial solution would be to date more than one person at a time, especially at first. This is applicable when you are not officially boyfriend and girlfriend to anyone and have not made any commitments. This way it keeps your expectations realistic so you can date objectively without involving your emotions too much. And since people are self-eliminating as we discussed earlier, reducing it shouldn’t be that hard.
Finally, after kissing many frogs and frogs, there comes that magical moment where a person stands out as someone with real quality. This is when you want to become more exclusive and start a real relationship. At this point, it’s good to give up all your alternatives, which shouldn’t be difficult since you really like a person and don’t want to lose them.
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