Couples often turn to me for help when their marriages are on the brink, after believing that all resources have been used. When I ask couples how they manage their communication, the answer is in almost all cases the same: we no longer speak to each other or hardly speak to each other.
Keep in mind that asking for the time, passing salt, pepper and sugar, newspaper, etc. is not communicating; it’s just social chatter and feeling a blank space where there was a lot of couples content before. Love will die or decrease to a very imperceptible level, if we do not enhance our communication skills; and we should purposely strengthen them even before we get married.
Miscommunication could damage a marriage more than you can imagine and contributes to the phenomenon of falling out of love without even realizing it. When I ask couples what it takes to be happily married again, many of them don’t see it as a possibility. Our goal is then to restore love again and ensure the trust of the couple to unite their lives again.
Do you remember how simple life was when you first fell in love? The special way his spouse used to smile doing that funny thing with her lips that made him so special? Maybe today that same thing makes you so angry, why?
A marriage is not a ME situation, it’s a US situation. We are no longer alone, yet we remain independent. It is important to know what is causing your emotions to run away from your spouse and what it takes to get back together; working emotions instead of solving problems, identifying individual needs and looking for ways to satisfy them, this is not the time to find out who is to blame for this or that. It is time to take the first step towards solutions before it is too late and more damage is done.
There are many useful tools that we have worked with for some time that may work for you if you have a desire to rescue your marriage, but still, you have to take the first step and make up your mind to do it!
Big problems don’t necessarily need big solutions; most of the time it could just be small positive actions one after another. Take small steps, they can make a BIG difference.