The six human needs is something I’ve heard from Tony Robbins, but it could also have a lot to do with being overweight.
According to Robbins, each of us subconsciously wants to satisfy all of these needs, and we will always find a way to do so. They drive our decisions, either in a way that feels good and is good for us, or definitely doesn’t feel good and is definitely not good for us. Let me tell you what the six needs are, and then how they might relate to weight loss (or lack thereof).
The first need is the need for Certainty, specifically that a certain activity will help you avoid pain and give you some comfort or pleasure, and that you will survive.
Second is the need for Uncertainty/Variety, because if you were sure about everything and what would happen, things would get very boring.
Third is the need for transcendence: doing something or being someone that makes you feel unique or special.
The fourth is the need for Connection/Love, especially the need for unconditional love. This includes a spouse, a friend, or even an interesting conversation with a stranger.
The fifth is the need for Growth: if an organism is not growing, it is dying. This can apply to things like relationships, careers, and our psychological well-being.
The sixth is the need to Contribute: to give something back to the world or to others. Satisfying this need tends to automatically satisfy all other needs.
Meeting 3 or more of these needs at a high level (in other words, 7 or more on a scale of 1 to 10) becomes addictive, but which need is most important varies from person to person. Usually, your top 2 will have a strong influence on the decisions you make throughout your life, even if they don’t seem to make sense at the time.
For example, if you won’t accept a promotion at work because your job won’t be as secure, even if it means a raise, then certainty should be a high priority for you. But if you don’t take the promotion because it means you’ll have your own office and spend a lot more time on your computer and a lot less time with people, love/connection is a higher priority.
But what does this have to do with your weight?
Well, let’s take a look at each need and how this might be the case.
First, certainty. How could anyone be certain about food? Well, maybe if you’re feeling down or stressed, some chocolate, a burger, or even something less bad for you is sure to make you feel better. If your life is generally chaotic and full of problems, you can always trust that your favorite candy bar will taste exactly the same every time.
Next is uncertainty/variety. How many different types of food are there in the world, how many different ways can they be cooked, and how many different combinations are there? I have no idea, but it’s a lot. It’s probably possible to eat something different every day for the rest of your life, so whether your job is boring, your relationship is boring, or life is just plain boring in general, there’s always a new food to try!
The following is the meaning. But how can eating too much and being overweight make someone feel important? Well, if you are not a very important or significant person, being overweight could make you stand out. The more overweight you are, the more this will happen. I once saw a TV show about Britain’s heaviest man who had held the title for many years. When he was told that was no longer the case and that he was now only the SECOND heaviest man in Britain, he kicked the TV crew out of his house, he was so angry! When he later calmed down and let them talk to him again, it was obvious that the only thing he had going for him (at least in his mind) was his weight. He made him feel important and significant, even though he never left his house. While I’m not suggesting that his problem is that serious, it’s an excellent example of what I said earlier about needs not always being met in a positive way.
Love/Connection from food? Many people say they love food, but they don’t mean it literally. Maybe not, but if someone is so lacking in love and connection in her life, the pleasurable feelings she gets from eating connects her to herself. They also come to feel that they are being cared for and loved, even if they are the ones doing the caring. All foods, especially those that are high in fat or sugar, trigger the release of the body’s own feel-good drugs called endorphins. If that doesn’t sound like you, maybe it satisfies your need for love/connection with food because you never eat alone. Maybe you go out to eat with friends or just where there are other people around.
Growth from food? And not just your waist? This sounds as unlikely as love/connection, but if you cook your own food and become a gourmet chef, it’s a form of growth. Very positive too. Especially if it means you get to cook for others and maybe help them improve their cooking skills. This could also lead to…
Contribution. Cook for friends and family, host dinner parties, teach others how to cook. These are all forms of contribution, and as I said before, satisfying this need generally satisfies all other needs as well.
That’s one example of how food can satisfy all six of your needs, but obviously there are many possibilities. Hopefully, you should now understand enough to realize how food meets your needs, causing you to be overweight. It may be a good idea to put the six needs first in order of importance to you personally, paying special attention to the first two, which will help you better understand why you are more likely to eat unhealthily and be overweight than to eat healthy. properly and be slim
Although I know what you’re thinking. You want to know what to do with this information once you’ve gone to the trouble of figuring it all out.
Well, we all get our needs met using what we call vehicles, in this case food, but examples of even more destructive vehicles are alcohol, drugs, or even eating disorders. I’ve already discussed how being overweight can satisfy a need for meaning, but being anorexic can have the same effect, as well as satisfying a need for love/connection from concerned friends and family.
So what could be an alternative, more positive vehicle for meeting your needs than food?
How about exercise? At the moment this might be highly unlikely as your needs and the gym probably look like this…
Certainty that it will avoid pain and cause pleasure. Unlucky. It’s hard work, painful in every sense of the word and the only pleasure is walking out the door.
Uncertainty/Variety. Again, this is not going to be the case. Where is the variety in walking on a treadmill for hours staring at a blank wall, or lifting weights to put them down again?
Meaning. Being a red-faced, sweaty blob in a gym full of fitness freaks can make you feel unique, but not in a way that satisfies any important needs.
Love/Connection. Do you love a modern version of a torture chamber where everyone talks about the latest exercise techniques that might as well be in a foreign language for all the sense it makes to you? Unlikely.
Increase. Surrounded by all those tanned and fit bodies, you will come to hate yours even more and feel even more of a loser. No, thanks.
Contribution. How can you contribute to something you know nothing about and don’t enjoy?
Nobody would be satisfying any need with that vision of exercise. But just by looking at things a little differently and more positively, exercise could meet enough needs at a high enough level to replace food. Obviously, you would still eat, but it would be as a source of fuel to keep your body in top shape rather than a way to derive pleasure. It may sound impossible, but many people have made the switch, and some of them loved food and hated exercise a lot more than you!
Certainty. Although the actual process of exercising cannot be guaranteed to be pleasurable at the time, immediately afterwards there is a rush of endorphins along with a distinct sense of pride and accomplishment at having completed another workout. Not to mention well done to maintain an attractive, fit and healthy body.
Uncertainty/Variety. To someone who has done little or no exercise, it can seem very repetitive and boring, but there are literally hundreds of different exercises that can be done in many different ways. Changing up a workout regularly, whether it’s every other month, every other week, or even every day, can provide limitless variety.
Meaning. Just as being very overweight can make you stand out, so can being in great shape. By this I don’t mean slim because you barely eat, I mean slim, toned and vibrant. Imagine how it would feel if people envied your body and wished they had the drive and determination to achieve the same result.
Love/Connection. Whether you already have a lean and toned body or are very overweight and out of shape, there will be someone in the gym at the same stage as you. You may not find love (although who knows!), but you will find like-minded people who share your goals that you can connect with.
Increase. This doesn’t just apply to your muscles, it also applies to learning new knowledge and exercise skills that will benefit your mind as well. Even if it’s too late to become a professional athlete, you may discover a natural talent or understanding of exercise that you never knew you had.
Contribution. Once you connect with others in the gym, which you will, you can start contributing to their goals by encouraging them, telling them what has or hasn’t worked for you in the past, or simply inspiring them with your own story of how you went from fat to skinny. shape. You might even decide to write your own diet and exercise book!
Can you see how having a different view of the same activity can change your whole opinion of it? And how could this meet their needs in a way that means food no longer has to be the vehicle?
But it doesn’t have to be exercise that replaces it. Any vehicle that is positive will work and you can have more than one. Exercise can satisfy your need for contribution, your spouse can satisfy your need for love/connection, your career can satisfy your need for transcendence, etc. The more ways you have to meet each need, the better.
As long as you stay positive and replace food as a source to meet your needs, it will help make the weight loss process easier.
