In Florida we no longer use terms like “custody,” “visitation,” and “primary resident parent,” which suggest that a child is an arguable possession. These terms mislead parents into thinking that ultimately one of them can win and the other can lose their children.
It is critical for divorcing parents to understand that only their marriage is ending. In fact, your family bond will remain long after the legal divorce is done. As the old adage goes, blood is thicker than water. And kids have a special way of keeping people connected.
Every child needs and deserves two parents. Therefore, divorcing parents should avoid the illusion of win/lose and instead focus on how they will share time with their children and what each parent will be responsible for.
Here are ten things to consider before deciding on your family’s parenting and timeshare plan.
1. Your family is unique. And your family is in the process of restructuring. Be open to a variety of possibilities. Allow yourself to see the big picture and focus on the needs of your children.
2. The time to work on feelings of betrayal and abandonment is not while you are making decisions related to spending time with your children. Put these problems aside and deal with them later.
3. Consider which parent is best able to assume, manage, and complete daily parenting responsibilities such as shopping, schoolwork, sick trips to the doctor, routine checkups, playtime visits with friends, driving, daily hygiene, and discipline . However, just as important as a parent’s ability to fulfill parenting responsibilities is their commitment to (a) encourage the child’s relationship with the other parent, (b) consult with the other parent, and (c) keep the other parent. parent informed about all matters related to the children, such as report cards, illnesses, and extracurricular activities.
4. Consider your children’s connections to their communities and extended family members. Do all you can to keep these relationships consistent.
5. Your child’s primary residence and time-share arrangements are not permanent. As your children mature, the arrangements you make should change to fit their lifestyles, needs, and wants.
6. Consider the distance between your homes and the children’s school(s). How will this affect morning and afternoon trips, participation in school activities, playing with school friends after school?
7. What is the best way to set your schedules to stay consistent with bedtime, homework, bath time, meals, activities, etc.? of their children? during school hours.?
8. In an ideal world, each parent would have some time to play, some time to work (carpool, do homework, etc.), and some time alone with each of their children.
9. Children should be expected to follow the rules of the home they are in. Be consistent in your own home, with your own rules. If the other parent has different rules, that’s okay.
10. Babies and younger children may be better served by shorter times with each parent.