I now consider myself an experienced recommendation letter writer. Now this is not something that would appear on any business card (assuming I had business cards), nor is it something that is printed on the t-shirts available for purchase at the mall (unless I made my own t-shirt or my own center commercial) . But over the last few years, I’ve found myself writing a lot of letters to a lot of different colleges and not necessarily having as much fun as writing “the letter.” That’s right, a letter so great that it deserves to be in quotes. Not because of how flattering it is to the student, but because it’s the complete opposite. And now I’ve decided to give myself the opportunity to fulfill my wish…
Recommendation for John P. Idiot
In my years of teaching, never has a student moved me more than John P. Idiot. Even when I tell him I don’t want his hands on me, or near me, he still touches me. Until someone else enters the room, in which case he will touch that person.
But it’s not John’s ability to touch people that has earned him his top reputation at our school. Even more notable is his title as the person who has asked the most girls out and subsequently had the most rejected. While this may not seem relevant to a college recommendation at first glance, I think it shows that he is capable of overcoming adversity over and over and over and over again, and yet he’s not a different person as a result. And that’s unfortunate because there’s a lot to change in John. I’m not saying this in a negative way, of course. It’s just that John has more numbers than a standard newspaper file, and maybe only two or three fewer than a zoo with no fences.
In addition to getting to see John develop as a person (probably more than I would have liked, thanks to an incident on the moon), I also got to see John develop as a scholar. When he turned in his first essay during his sophomore year, for example, he wasn’t very good. In fact, it was the worst essay I’ve ever read, real or fictional. But his next essay, a couple of weeks later, was one of the best in the class. In fact, the words jumped off the page like basketball players and the message shot out as if he had been in a bottle for many years. And although I later found this exact essay on the internet, this plagiarism does not take away from the fact that John was able to identify a good essay and steal it accordingly. I can’t say the same for other students, who would rather have their mothers do their work. John would never ask his parents for help, at least not after that ammonia-and-phosphorus incident a few months ago. But that is not important for this evaluation.
The really important thing is that John was a stellar participant in the classroom. There were times when the students were in the middle of a big argument about a novel, and John chimed in, “I need to go to the bathroom.” While this completely ruined the momentum of the conversation, it showed me that John knows what he wants and is able to identify these needs when the time comes. I noticed that when John came back, usually 15 minutes later and smelling smoke, he seemed happy in the sense that he had achieved his goal, which is important in our goal-oriented society. Another example of his ability to accomplish his goals is when I heard him proclaim, “Oh my God, I’m going to totally fail this test” and he did exactly that.
Outside of the classroom, John is known for his involvement in extracurricular activities, none of which should be mentioned in this letter, although he is revealed as a leader and a “people person”. He also attends most school functions and always returns to the building when kicked out.
In short, John will make a huge impact at his college next year if you just give him the opportunity to do so. Since his university is located many miles away from where I teach, I think it is ideal for him.
Sincerely,
Gregory Gagliardi