I am going to give you valuable information derived from my own experience and from Mike Hernacki and his wonderful book, “The Forgotten Secret of Phenomenal Success.” In this article, I’ll extract several nutritious nuggets of wisdom from his sixth chapter “Everything You Need to Succeed” and add my own comments so you have two ways to put it to use for your own benefit:
Hernacki breaks down the process to see if you really want change in your life by helping you identify the change and expose the mental roadblocks holding you back:
Hernacki begins the chapter by helping you see that if you want something different, but have been doing the same thing over and over again, you won’t get the change you want. (By the way, this is also the definition of insanity.)
Therefore, to have the change you want, you must do something different.
But to do something different, you need to think differently. You need to change your mind.
It’s the first thing you do.
It’s also the hardest thing you do. Why? The human mind resists change. You often cannot see your own mistakes, even if they are blatantly obvious to others. And there is nothing physical to directly see or measure. You can only measure behavior and results.
But you must change your mind to change your actions to change your life.
Hernacki cites a section from the book I Can If I Want to, written by Arnold Lazarus and Allen Fay, to show that four conditions are needed for any change, including changing your mind:
- You must identify something has a problem
- You must accept the possibility what can be done about it
- You must express to desire change
- You must be willing to work and make an effort to change
Hernacki then looks at an example of wanting to be in business for yourself to show how to use these four steps yourself:
What has been holding you back is that all along you have sincerely believed that you cannot do it alone. If you’re going to open that business, you must first change your mind.
Step 1: Can you identify the problem?
You say you don’t really hate your job, the pay is fine, the benefits are better than you’d get on your own, and you have job security and a pension.
If that’s all you can say, no problem.
But, if you say, “Yeah, but…” like:
- Yes, but I want to see if I can do it on my own.
- Yeah, but I hate taking orders from a jerk for a boss.
- Yes, but I’m very bored and I need challenges.
…then go to step 2:
Step 2: Can you accept the possibility that something can be done about it?
You can express your uncertainty at this point, such as: “I don’t know how to run a business, I don’t even know how to start one, and I don’t have the money, and I don’t even know what kind of business I want to try.”
Hernacki says it’s okay to have questions because you don’t know all the answers beforehand, then asks:
- Can you accept that you have the possibility to ask someone where to start?
- Can you accept that you have the possibility to start saving money?
- Can you accept that you have the possibility to explore various business opportunities?
If you answered Yes, then you can go to Step 3…
Hernacki skips steps 3 and 4 in his example, so I’ll go ahead and finish them for you.
Step 3: Can you express the desire to change?
Since we’re talking about changing your mind, this step simply states in no uncertain terms what you want.
Personally, I’ve found that many people get stuck here at Step 3 because they don’t have a clear picture of what they want. Step 1 helped identify what you don’t want in no uncertain terms. And Step 2 helped you see that change is possible, even if you don’t know how.
One method I use when I know there is something exact that I want but can’t seem to see it in my mind is to give myself any of the options.
This works because on a primitive psychological level, we have certain drives and instincts built into us: we have a built-in mechanism for knowing what we don’t want to keep ourselves alive and safe.
How does it work? Let’s say you live in Los Angeles and are looking for a new house to rent:
- Do you want to stay in Los Angeles OR do you want to move? the Angels
- Do you want to live in a single-family house OR an apartment? Department
- Do you want to live on a higher floor OR a mid level OR a lower level? upstairs
- Do you want to have a good view Or is a view not necessary? good view
- Do you want to have a city view OR an ocean view? Ocean view
- Do you want to have a big kitchen OR a small kitchen? Small kitchen
- Do you want large closets/extra storage OR don’t need storage? Large closets/extra storage
And so on for maximum budget…location/neighborhood…noise level…situation shared or not…proximity to highways or public transportation…all through each easy choice.
It’s like using a search feature on a website where you choose your dropdown options and sort through the database to find listings that match your criteria. Except your mind is the database and you’re doing the searching to narrow down what you want so you can see it in no uncertain terms.
And the result of your choices is a crystal clear image that expresses your desire:
A two bedroom one bathroom apartment in a clean, quiet and safe neighborhood on a top floor with a good ocean view, 1000 square feet minimum, quite large living room, outside terrace for fresh air and sun, kitchen appliances modern, ample closets or extra storage, new carpet but no flooring, clean bathroom, quality professional management maintaining a well-run building, within two blocks of the main bus line, for up to $1,500/month.
You now have the thought object of your desire in front of you like a photo magazine. With that mental picture, you can start adding to it: how will you organize the living room? Your bedroom? Is the second bedroom for guests or your home office?
As you go about your daily routines, this image will grow in clarity and intensity for you. And you’ll start to spot potential matches in the outside world, which will help you further clarify what you want because you’ll find things you didn’t imagine before, like: It’s a nice building but I see you have a staff that sees everyone walk by and makes sure to register the guests. I want a secure building, but I want my privacy and not have the staff check on me or my guests when they come or go.
You are already finding that your mind has changed enough to go to Step 4:
Step 4. Can you be willing to work and strive to change?
The beauty of truly knowing what you don’t want is that you can focus on what you do want. And Step 3 makes that very clear to you, even putting your mind to work matching the outside world to your internal image. It’s a way of trying things on by size to see if they fit.
Without getting rid of what you don’t work on, you will find that you force yourself to be willing to work and make those efforts to change.
But when you have the crystal clear image in your mind, that image draws you in and forces you to find its physical equivalent in the outside world. It becomes a pleasurable exploratory experience rather than an escape from the pain of your current situation (whether you’re going from work to your own business, from your current home to a new home).
You will want to change and get excited in the search for the realization of your dreams!
Steps 3 and 4 are part of the Law of Attraction:
This automatic magnetic power of that crystal clear internal image to draw your attention to coincidences in the outer physical world is the “magic” so often talked about in discussions of the power of visualization, imagination, the “law of attraction” and the teachings of New Thought. Having been a long time student of these, I have found that most of them do not use Step 3 as I showed you.
Instead of getting rid of what you don’t want through my choices of one or the other, they talk about focusing on what you DO want.
I already gave you the reason for the small but really serious problem with that “focus on what you DO want, not what you don’t want” approach:
Because on a primitive psychological hard-wired level, we have certain impulses and instincts built into us: we have a built-in mechanism for knowing what we don’t want to keep ourselves alive and safe.
So, go ahead and:
- identify the problem
- Accept the possibility that change is somehow possible
- State your desire by being very clear about what you DO and DO NOT want
- Be willing to work to make the effort to change
Remember: This advice that I am giving you is truly wise. I have used it and proven it works time and time again to build my businesses and become a multi-millionaire, going from constantly sick to a health champion trusted by others for their health guidance, and enjoying all aspects of my life while I keep improving them.
I know you will find that it can work wonders for you! As long as you can accept the possibility!