Here’s a trivia question: Who said, “Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely”? Did you guess the English Lord Acton? He was a 19th century philosopher-theologian who wrote extensively on human nature and society. We can all cite examples of people in power letting their position go to their head, only to result in calamity of one sort or another.
For many years I have been interested in power as it affects the family. Of one thing I am more and more sure: All family members are attracted to power. Mind you, I’m not suggesting that every mom, dad, and kid fight over who wears the biggest crown. I am suggesting, however, that when family power becomes unbalanced, an inevitable struggle for control ensues. Would you agree with each of the following statements?
A scared, hurt, or insecure young child will cry out for the reassurance that their world is safe.
An emotionally wounded child who defiantly insists on going his own way is likely to have self-esteem issues.
· Emotionally insecure teens tend to gravitate toward friends who help them feel significant.
Well-intentioned parents can unwittingly become controlling in trying to steer their children in the right direction.
I pay attention when parents tell me that their children exhibit excessive behavior or exaggerated emotions. Likewise, when children or adolescents describe their parents as overly emotional or punitive, I take special note. When it comes to relationships, keep in mind this important rule of thumb: When emotions or behaviors extend beyond normal limits, the person displaying those traits almost always feels a loss of personal power.
Proper power is not intoxicating. It’s not a swollen head. It does not lead to design.
Appropriate power makes children and adults feel the same.
Proper power is a secure feeling.
Appropriate power allows family members to feel heard.
Appropriate power brings balance to relationships.
Because parents occupy positions of family leadership, one of their tasks is to be aware of the balance of power between them and their children. Children who feel heard, understood, and validated feel powerful. Parents whose children are in control of themselves also feel powerful. A balance of power brings satisfaction to the home.
