I know a lot of people who have a fairly left brain; By that I mean, they think things through carefully before using it (the knowledge) or accepting it. They want to know the scientific facts, the empirical studies, and although some things have been proven for centuries, they still maintain a “wait and see” attitude. Before I finished reading Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell’s “The Five Love Languages of Children” a few years ago, I was already sharing it with the people around me. Some of my friends, who understand my usual enthusiasm for parenting ways, usually listen to me and maybe try to get a copy of the book to learn more. Others remain skeptical until there is more influence.
Well, something good has come out of this skepticism. It just occurred to me that there is a scientific explanation for the Five Languages of Love after all, from a neuroscience perspective. I found “What Every Parent Needs to Know” by Margot Sunderland is an excellent source of scientific evidence. Sunderland, a child psychotherapist, is brilliant in her presentation of jargon difficult for the average layman. In my opinion, it is another book that every parent should read. While it presents facts and many practical ways of being a loving parent, “The Five Love Languages of Children” offers you additional tools.
When your child has his emotional tank full (it means he has received love through his primary love language, be it physical contact, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or gifts), a surge of positive arousal neurochemicals , which mainly comprise opioids, oxytoxin and prolactin, are activated in the brain. These hormones are powerful chemicals produced in the body and brain that give us a sense of well-being. Neuroscience researchers found that when these hormones are strongly activated in combination, these neurochemicals give us the deepest sense of calm and satisfaction.
When your child has many love experiences in the first few years of life, his brain is constantly full of oxytocin and opiates that make him feel very calm, safe, and warm inside. In addition to allowing you the best environment to explore the world with interest and wonder, you are developing the resilience to handle pain and stressful moments in life.
Scientists have discovered that the psychological strength of an individual is related to the strong activation of opiates in the brain; This simply means that when your child is constantly inundated with opiates, they will grow up and be able to think about stressful situations and calm down, they will be socially safe, warm and friendly. You will respond to personal feedback by thinking about what is being said rather than lashing out in anger or walking away and seeking a solution rather than blaming a conflict.