As we go through life, we like to think that the people we meet are more or less like us: kind, caring, reasonable, and decent. It’s hard to imagine that there could be someone in our circle of acquaintances who might have antisocial personality disorder.
Unfortunately, antisocial people live and work among us. Being unaware of their presence and how they operate puts us at a great disadvantage. Also known as sociopaths, these people are the ultimate predators; exploit and abuse the weak, the innocent and the ignorant. The better we understand them, the safer we will be.
What exactly is a sociopath? He is someone who, for reasons that are not well understood, lacks all basic human empathy or kindness. They see others simply as objects for their use and have no qualms about manipulating or exploiting anyone or any situation for their best benefit.
The brain of a sociopath is wired very differently than that of a normal person, and we should never assume that we are playing by the same set of rules. We must understand that sociopaths have their own unique way of operating.
A sociopath is not so much immoral as amoral. The notion of right or wrong is irrelevant to them. Their reason for being is to get what they want. They can take advantage of an individual, a family, an institution, or even an entire country, depending on their level of power and influence.
They have no conscience and do not feel remorse when they have done something wrong. They feel justified in all aspects of their behavior; often blaming their victim and believing that they “deserved it” or that they “brought it to themselves.”
On the other hand, the sociopath feels like the aggrieved party when he has not prevailed. They can be paranoid, assuming that others are trying to catch them or are trying to take something from them. They are vindictive and will demand severe retribution if frustrated or attacked.
A sociopath will rarely take “No” for an answer. They are relentless in pursuit of their goals. They rage when frustrated and act punitively towards anyone they think has gotten in their way.
This type of person can be very impulsive and not restricted by the usual human self-preservation instincts. If we expect them not to do something because it is risky or reckless, we will be wrong. There is very little to stop them from putting themselves in danger in pursuit of their goals.
The sociopath among us may be the charming con man; the celebrity married to a pristine public persona but multiple secret lovers; the ultra-charismatic and corrupt politician or the evangelical minister with a huge and generous congregation.
A sociopath strongly craves a position of power and will often seek jobs in which they can dominate, control, or oppress others. Lawyers, police officers, doctors, teachers, coaches, clergy, therapists, CEOs, and politicians will always have a certain number of sociopaths in their ranks.
In their roles as leaders of industry and society, sociopaths can do a lot of harm. Examples of this are the big polluting companies, the CFOs who steal millions from their shareholders; police officers who abuse citizens they are obliged to protect for their honor; and coaches who prey on their young teammates.
Other examples are therapists sleeping with troubled clients; politicians who earn billions for their own private companies through warmongering; Today’s spiritual leaders whose real goal is to sexually or financially exploit naive followers and investment gurus who promote Ponzi schemes and then blame their victims for their “greed.”
Sociopathy, like any other psychological disorder, has a range of severity. People who simply have antisocial traits tend to be thoughtless and insensitive. They are cold, calculating, greedy, and overly authoritative.
Sociopaths have no qualms about breaking the rules of society or using others as stepping stones on their path to success. Still, many can cultivate benign or even sweet demeanor, allowing them to ingratiate themselves with potential victims.
At the extreme end of the sociopathy range are rapists, sadists, and serial killers who take pleasure in causing humiliation and pain. Then there are pimps, blackmailers, and members of motorcycle gangs and other types of organized crime. They use charm and seduction or bribery, coercion and intimidation to trap their victims.
The smarter the sociopath, the more dangerous he is. These people are the predators of the human race, and just as a great cat is able to identify the weakest animal within a group and sneak up on it, the sociopath will recognize the needy, the vulnerable, and the naive. The smart sociopath is more successful in part because he is so much better at disguising his true intentions.
The antisocial individual exploits the emotional weakness of his prey in the same way that a lion or leopard preys on a lame or sick gazelle. The smarter they are, the easier it is for them to recognize and exploit the weak areas of someone’s personality.
Children are easy prey for sociopaths because they are defenseless against them. This is why good supervision is so important to them. For adults, clinging to any childish trait, such as being overconfident or gullible, is never wise.
An attitude of healthy skepticism is much safer. Those who insist on believing that everyone is “nice” and has good intentions will be as vulnerable to attack as any real child.
When it comes to our relationships with politicians, financial advisers, or CEOs, being well informed means having power. In addition to being skeptical, knowing and understanding a certain situation makes it much more difficult to be exploited, manipulated, or lied to.
In everyday life, we can begin to recognize the sociopaths in our midst by being alert to excessive coldness, ambition, aggressiveness, or charm; questioning the motivations of those in positions of power and looking for inconsistencies in people’s words and actions. Someone who is too good to be true is often later revealed to be a sociopath, as is the too ruthless and ruthless individual.
In romance, sociopaths often start out by being generous and charismatic. They will leave you speechless filling you with attention and making you feel special and privileged. For an emotionally needy person with low self-esteem, this type of dating is a dream come true, but it soon turns into a nightmare when the sociopath’s real intentions are revealed.
In romance, there is the typical abusive partner who has been written a lot about. Another type of sociopathic lover is not available, exciting rebel. They are iconoclastic, charismatic and fascinating. They make the relationship with them a tempting challenge. They might even bluntly tell you that they are no good and will only hurt you, but they do so knowing full well that it will only make you try harder to be with them.
This type of person enjoys playing with you in the same way that a cat enjoys torturing a mouse. They are sadists, and they know exactly how it will end: with them triumphant and you devastated. They are excited by your admiration and desire as it fuels their sense of greatness. They don’t care how you end up, and will leave you unceremoniously when you are no longer useful or fun.
A sociopath is unable to take responsibility for his bad behavior. They will never change. Any woman who is attracted to an antisocial man and believes her love will transform him is setting herself up for disaster. These are not “lost children” who need a good woman to heal them, as the movies and television so falsely and dangerously show; they are mature and ruthless predators
Be it our next door neighbor or a local politician; our boss or blind date, there are indeed sociopaths among us. Being able to identify them will save us a lot of pain. Whether we encounter a milder form of the disorder or an outright monster, having a realistic and inquisitive attitude toward the people in our lives will serve us well.
(C) Marcia Sirota MD, 2010
